After the failure of the old traditional methods of punishment that depend on insulting and harming the child, it has become imperative for us to search for other methods of punishment that help instill values and principles in the child's psyche and refine his behavior without leaving a negative impact on himself that accompanies him throughout his life.
Insulting a child cannot have anything to do with his upbringing and instilling values and morals in himself. The goal of education is to discipline the child’s behavior, not harm him, and insult only causes harm, which lasts for many years and its effect may not fade, and never contributes to the discipline of behavior. If we understood the reason behind any human behavior, we could very easily change it; Behavior stems from convictions and feelings, and it can only be changed by changing these convictions and feelings. Convictions can only be changed by addressing the mind of the child, which differs from our minds as adults and needs a method that suits him to convince him, including the story, which is an indirect method of learning. As for trying to change the apparent behavior without changing convictions and feelings, it will inevitably lead to failure and will increase the parents’ nervousness from their child and will make them increase their insult and punishment for him.
Insulting a child in front of people
The child often exhibits behaviors that the mother hates, and the worst thing is that this happens in front of people. Here, the mother rushes to deter and rebuke her child, which is often done in a manner that insults the child. Although many mothers know the negative impact that insulting the child has in front of people, the embarrassment they feel as a result of the children’s spontaneous actions leads them to hit, insult, raise their voice, or otherwise, which causes a feeling of insult and shame for the child. The mother’s control of her emotion and anger is what enables her to properly deal with the situation so that she can stop the child from his inappropriate behavior without causing him harm. This does not mean that you indoctrinate him and give him a lesson in morals in front of people, as that is not less harmful to him than insulting, beating, or raising his voice, since giving him advice in public is considered a scandal for him. But what is required in these situations is to postpone speaking and discipline until returning home, and then the child will be more willing to receive any information.
The respect of the parents for the child and their treatment of him as human beings who deserve appreciation and cannot be insulted is beneficial to him and them at the same time. A child who feels his worth and the respect of those around him often acts wisely and respectfully that befits him because he sees himself as valuable in the eyes of those around him, and he reciprocates with his parents and all those around him with the same respect. Unlike a child who is insulted and gets used to it; It never rebukes him or forbids him from what he does, just as he deals in the same humiliating manner with those around him. I remember that child whose mother beat him in the street in front of people, and he only hit her in a very humiliating way as she did with him. If we look at a situation like this, we hold the old to account before the young, for he is the role model and the teacher from whom the child acquires the manner of dealing and ethics. And if he behaves inappropriately, does he expect the child to be moral?
Disadvantages of child abuse
It has been proven through studies and experiments that insulting and harming a child, whether by beating or otherwise, causes him a lot of psychological problems that remain with him even in old age, and does not contribute to his upbringing well and does not make him a normal human being whose parents feel proud when they look at him. If insulting a child causes harm to him, then insulting him in front of people is greater harm and greater crime. I challenge any mother or father who claims that insulting a child yields good results. Experiences have proven the opposite. A child who deals with those around him in an insulting manner does not end with bad things he does but rather increases in stubbornness until he proves to them that he exists and that his personality deserves respect and consideration. And if the child is deterred from his actions when one of the parents hits him at the time, then he returns to commit the same mistake by forgetting the deterrent punishment. This is evidence that raising a child in a humiliating manner does not contribute to instilling values and principles in himself, but rather deters him as a temporary shield and then leaves him without a real radical change.
One of the negative effects of child insulting practices is that they get used to them and are not deterred when exposed to them, unlike the person who is treated with respectful treatment devoid of any insult, when he feels insulted, we see him very affected and cannot bear it. The difference between this and that is that one of them has robbed humanity and no longer feels its value, and insult for him has become a normal and natural thing for him to deal with all people with, and the other is not easy for him to be offended, and he cannot deal with anyone around him in a way other than A human being is insulted, and he still feels his value as a human being and knows in his heart that he is an honorable creature that was not created to be insulted, but considers one of his most important rights over all those around him is respect, even if love is not present between them.
The effect of insult on a child's behavior
Of course, the effect of insulting the child is not limited to maintaining his bad behavior, but it goes beyond that, making him acquire other negative behaviors resulting from being insulted. The following are the most important bad behaviors that result in insulting a child:
The feelings of love that are supposed to envelop the relationship between him and his parents are replaced by feelings of fear, and his feelings become very negative towards those around him, and negative feelings cause negative behaviors.
Make it difficult for parents to communicate with him, as the thread between the child and them is broken because of the insult. Here it is difficult to direct and teach him.
▪ The child feels rejected and unwanted, especially if he sees that the children around him do not receive the same treatment that he receives from his father and mother, and his feeling that he is an untouchable child pushes him to commit everything wrong and stay away from everything right.
Insulting a child makes it easier for him to lie because he is afraid of telling the truth so that he will not be punished or insulted in front of others.
▪ The personality of the child turns into a psychologically complex, aggressive, weak, and introverted personality due to the insult, and all his feelings and positive personality traits turn to the opposite.
▪ The child feels insulted all the time, not only when he is exposed to it, especially if this happens in front of his friends who make fun of him later whenever they see him.
Insult makes a child an abnormal person when he grows up and deals in the same violent way with his children, believing that this is the best method for education and discipline.
▪ The insult generates rebellious behavior in the child, so you find him rebelling against his parents and all those around him, and they have a spirit of hostility and hatred.
The insult does not give the child the opportunity to learn the lesson that his parents tried to teach him, but only the punishment and insult and the negative feelings that accompanied them remain in his memory.
▪ The insult is useless and does not add anything positive to the child's behavior, especially if it occurs in front of people, as there is no opportunity to teach the child and deliver the lesson to him.
The insult also shows negative aspects in the child's personality, as it destroys many positive aspects, so we find him lacking confidence in himself, a coward and introverted, unable to engage in the surrounding community and dealing with people, and unable to learn different skills.
How to punish without insulting the child
Our previous discussion does not mean that the child will not be subjected to punishment that aims to discipline his behavior, but rather that we aspire to punish the child while avoiding insulting and humiliating him. It is possible to use sound educational methods to punish the child, such as the method of reward and punishment, instead of using the old traditional methods that depend on beating, insulting, raising the voice, and using negative speech that distorts the child's psyche. It has been proven that modern methods bear fruit in the long run and change the child's behavior for the better, unlike the old methods that bring only temporary results that soon fade away once the punishment ends.
The first step to stop insulting the child is to get on your nerves and get rid of the anger you feel because of the mistakes the child has made. Yes, we know that using this method, which is an insult, rids you of the negative energy that the child causes and cures you of it, but it leaves a bad psychological impact on the child and lasts with him for years and years if he does not stay with him for life. If we add to this that insulting the child does not contribute to his good upbringing, we conclude that the only benefit of insult is to get rid of your negative energy, and then it will leave you feeling regretful at seeing your child crying and feeling ashamed because you were insulted to him. And since that is the case, why not abandon this sterile method, which has been proven to fail in raising a psychologically sound generation?
And non-humiliating methods can be chosen to punish the child, especially if it is in front of others so that no one feels what is going on between you and your child, and then postpone the actual punishment until you reach home. I need not point out that punishment in the home is also not dependent on insult. The punishment must be appropriate for the child's mistake. Rather, it must be in line with the child's personality, as the same method of punishment doesn't need to succeed with all your children, as they are different in personality and character. One of the most important points that I would like to point out is that you explain to the child the reason for the punishment, because the goal is to educate him, not just punish him, and part of respecting the child’s mind is to explain the reason to him.
And if we prepared ourselves and patriotic the idea that raising children is not an easy thing and that it requires a lot of effort, which will inevitably have good results, we would have been calmer and we would have abandoned everything that harms them and dealt with them more wisely and compassionately instead of insulting the child.